My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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