My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
