he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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