why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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