Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
