I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
