she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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