I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
