Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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