Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
