I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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