2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So much rum. So many feels.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
