I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
