They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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