my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
