I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
