How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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