My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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