Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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