I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
