Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
