i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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