remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
