in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
