I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
