how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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