I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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