i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
