So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just had sex on a roof
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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