dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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