hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
