Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
