I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
