I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
