i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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