She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
