i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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