He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
