Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
