Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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