FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
