So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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