I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
