Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
