shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
