my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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