so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
