were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
