I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
