i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
